Rebuilding Family Bonds; The Caregiving Journey with Dad

The Unexpected Tragedy

In April of 2024, I was working for a small university when I received the call that my father and stepmother were in hospital with COVID. My stepmother had an existing heart condition and unfortunately passed a few weeks later; two days after their 46^th Wedding Anniversary. My father on the other hand is healthy except for severe scoliosis. He was 5’9” and now is 5'2”.

With the passing of my stepmother, it became clear that my father could not live on his own and on one income could not continue to live in the house. They had been struggling for a while, but she had refused to move, and downsizing was now in its tenth year.

Looking at a New Future

I never expected that my father would move in with me. In fact, my parents divorced when I was young so I had never lived with my dad except for holidays when I would travel by plane twice a year.

We had looked at lodges that were suitable for him and put his name on the wait list. But I am sure you can imagine the waiting time. It has been almost two years now. We quickly sold his home and what was meant to be temporary became more permanent.

My sister and her husband have two young girls of their own and a split-level home so having Dad move in with them was not practical. My husband and I live in a bungalow. So, it just made sense for him to come to our home.

Making Choices

I had planned to go back to work full-time before Dad came but now that he needs care with meals, appointments, and all the things that go into keeping an 86-year-old healthy and happy, it makes sense to work part-time and to work remotely so that I am close by. He is a very nice man and has amazing recall for his age. 

I do not think we hear enough about the caregivers that choose to postpone their careers and goals to care for elderly parents rather than see them be homeless. Especially, with the housing shortage, long wait lists and limited spaces for affordable spaces.

I am fortunate as I have been able to work from home and live my dream, but I know that I am not typical. I do not regret this decision, but it is challenging in a world where remote part-time employment is not as common, and others may think that you are not serious about your career if you are not 100% committed.

Summer Holidays

A New Path Forward

The last two years have given me so much. It has been an opportunity to get to know my dad separately from my stepmother. I feel like the three of us are a family, which I spent years looking for. He has helped me to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. And I have realized how similar we are. We both like to have fun and enjoy life. We have gone on trips, and he is my sidekick when we go on errands. He fills me in on history and geography. These are things that I never could have experienced if he went straight to the lodge. And now, as he needs more reminders, we feel even more confident about him staying with us as long as possible.